Note: This story takes place after Rites of Passage, but before Red Hand Rising.
Note: I have DREAMED of writing an action packed scene set to Carol of the Bells for- well, for as long as I can remember. So, here it is. For added impact, go to this link for WAY more than enough repeating Carol of the Bells in the background. Enjoy! And Merry Christmas- If Sawyer can save the day!
Please don't let them chime.
That is the thought running through my head right now. I am trapped on a rooftop overlooking a nearly empty downtown New York on Christmas Eve. I have until midnight to reach Rockefeller Center and that blasted tree to save Christmas.
I know, I know. Sawyer Shepherd, could you be more melodramatic? The short answer is yes, but in truth, in this Yuletide Emergency- no. No I cannot be more melodramatic. See, here is the deal:
A couple of doofus wannabe witches with a serious anti-Christmas vibe decided to cancel the holiday. They wanted to expose the real basis of the holiday- the Winter Solstice, in their mind- to the people. It was simple enough, they conjured a spirit of the pagans- but not the one they wanted- or maybe they did want it and didn't understand it? Anyway, they unleashed an Anti-Claus.
But this Krampus has elves. Demented little nutters, if I do say so myself. They love to attack by shooting arrows tipped with a sleeping spell. Since they are so small- about two foot high- they have to shoot you with about fifty to actually knock you out, but since there are about a thousand of them, I think they are good.
Mandy and I got word of the spell cast too late, and the two wannabe witches got coal for Christmas, in the form of Krampus killing them as part of his ritual to take over the world. All evil demonic anti-Claus's want to take over the world. And they ALL love the milk and cookies, but substitute human sacrifice for milk and cookies. Problem is- the little demon elves took Mandy. She is the final sacrifice at midnight. At the "Temple of Christmas" Krampus called it. Then he took Mandy and vanished. It took me a good two minutes to figure out it was Rockefeller Center and the tree. That left me about three minutes to get from the rooftop where they summoned him to the tree- which is just a few blocks away.
But the second Krampus poofed- the elves showed up. They look like the Elf on the Shelf- but the have the faces of ugly old lady that gives Snow White the apple.
I can't kill all the elves, but I do have two clips of silver bullets for my gun. And silver kills most things, so, here it goes.
I fire at the three elves nearest the fire escape and POOF! they disappear in a cloud of- is that glitter? And I race to the edge of the roof with Nyquil laced darts zooming past me. I grip the rung and swing over the edge, firing one more shot at an advancing elf who disappears into glitter.
The escape is icy, which actually makes my descent faster. I slip and slide down to the icy ground and a trio of elves advance from behind a dumpster. I punt one (man they are light!) into a street light and then run between the other two. I hurtle a row of trashcans and trashbags as I slide into the main lane and look up to the tree. I see a large demon Santa Claus waiting with what is most definitely not a bag of toys and a large scythe. I sprint down the street.
Elves are everywhere.
One springs at me from a windowsill and I make it rain glitter with a perfect shot. Another swings at me from a light pole and my left hand hooks him in the face and the keeps spinning around the pole. A taxi cab (normal, not demonic) turns into my path and without thinking I run up its front fender and over the top as I see two more elves emerge from the alleyways on each side and I fire a shot first toward the one on my right and then the one on my left.
I am one block away and I feel a tremor and I realize that Krampus brought a big friend. This elf is not really an elf as much as a cave troll- nine feet tall and wielding a club. He swings it at me and I slide under it and between his legs, firing my gun until the clip is empty. He doesn't glitter bomb- he stink bombs. Ugh.
I hit the ice on the rink and see that Krampus is there, scythe raised and the bell starts to toll. Mandy is unconscious on the table (did Krampus bring that in the bag) in front of the golden Prometheus. I am twenty feet away as the third chime hits.
Fifteen feet and fourth chime.
Ten feet and fifth.
Five and sixth.
I jump and fire the gun into Krampus- but it does nothing. Seventh. Then I remember- I have to stab him in the heart with a pine stake, (eighth) which I happen to have strapped to my left leg. Ninth.
He swings the scythe at me, (Tenth) and I duck under and move towards his hideous, wrinkled and pointy face (Eleventh) and thrust the pine tree into his heart. Twelfth.
He begins to shake and shimmer, then his whole body seems to swirl and shrink into a black hole. I hear thousands of yips as the elves all pop in unison, creating a blizzard of glitter all over the ice rink.
I turn to Mandy, and see she is stirring. She smiles at me, and I at her, and I see her eyes looking above me. I turn expecting a demonic Rudolph, but instead see mistletoe. I turn to her, and just as I am about to finally kiss the girl I think I love, the fifty darts that I did not avoid in my devil elf dash overcome my adrenaline and I am out.
And what did you do for Christmas?
Chad Lehrmann lives with his wife and two teenage daughters in College Station, Texas, where he teaches High School Psychology, Sociology, and Debate.