Introduction
No seriously, read this.  It’s important for context.


My name is Chad.  

Normally, I write fiction.  Horror and action thrillers, mostly.  So, very different from what you will find in this book.  

Probably.

I was raised in a small town in Central Texas, by parents who had been active in church life before I was born. But like many of you who are reading this- something went wrong.  Their church split, venomous and vile things were said, accusations leveled, and faiths were shattered.

As a teen, I became involved with the local Baptist Church in town.  Like, really involved.  I came to know Christ as a fourteen year old high school freshman in the ‘Prayer Room’ of the church.  I became a leader in the youth group.  My parents came back to the church.  My youth minister- Jay Hall- challenged me and encouraged me and emboldened me.  My peers, my fellow believers, had my back.

Then, mistakes were made.  My fellow Christians behaved…rather human-like.  My youth minister left, my friends and I parted ways.

So did my presence and the church.

Then college came.

I know what you’re thinking.  He went wild, partied, had an epiphany and returned to the faith.

You’re half right.  

My first night on campus I was alone.  And two guys- very drunk guys, mind you- knocked on my door.  I opened it, and one kinda fell in.  Through the fog of alcohol, they invited me to watch porn with them- in surround sound.  To them, that was a big selling point.  
I declined.  And I returned to my bed, and asked God what I had done wrong.  I confessed my pride and selfishness and asked for believers to surround myself with.

The next day, I met the Baptist Student Ministry at Texas A&M.  I found a great minister in Bob Mayfield, great friends with solid faith and a deeper understanding of God than anything I had experienced before.  The same story began to play out as it had in high school- I became a leader.  First as a freshman Bible Study leader.  Then as Evangelism Chair.  

Eventually, I felt God was calling me to full-time ministry.  I soon took an internship with Hillcrest Baptist Church under the youth and college minister, Taylor Sandlin (himself a former BSMer).  

As is normal with growth, I began to see things differently than some of those around me.  I saw flaws in existing systems, and my proposals for addressing those systems were…I guess shocking, to some.  Nothing that flew in the face of Jesus, no blasphemy.  At least, not in the Biblical sense.  

I graduated, got married, and started a job as a youth minister at a small Central Texas Baptist Church.  The pastor told me on day one- “Don’t stay here long.  It’s not a good place.”  I was young and idealistic, and it took me a full six months to see what he meant.  While he was with us on a ski trip, some deacons tried to hold a meeting to fire the pastor.  Another deacon questioned an African American man’s motives for joining the mostly white church.

My wife and I moved to another Baptist Church, this time in Northwest Texas.  The pastor was a great mentor, challenging me to write my own Bible studies- and so I started creating literature.  Then he left after a year.  I was a twenty-five year-old as the only minister on staff full-time at the largest Protestant church in town.  And my first child came a few days after he left.

I had spent a few years attending Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary, and found that outside of about three classes, I was wasting my time.  So, I stopped going.  I didn’t have time with a young child, a church, and life in general to talk about ‘theoreticals’ of ministry that I was finding to be far from the truth of serving God and His people.

Eventually,  a new pastor came, and with that came new difficulties.  Differences in opinions and personalities.  The stretching led me to rethink my role in traditional churches.  Over a long process with God, some of which I will talk about later, my wife and I felt called to return to College Station and Texas A&M to start a new church.

In 2007, we did that.  Eventually, our little house church started with our friends, the Wellborns, took up residence at a local dancehall- Hurricane Harry’s.

Now is a good time to point out that I was no longer Baptist, exactly.

For four years, I pastored this church of college students- many who felt disillusioned with the established church.  It was messy, it was different, and the floor had broken glass- but it was very real.  Very powerful.

And it paid nothing. 

So, I was working a day job for a law firm that worked with Brazos County to collect delinquent tax payments.

I was a tax collector.  

And a minister.

At the same time.

And I was miserable.

Fortunately, I got laid off at the law firm.  It took me a minute to figure out that was a good thing- but when I did, a friend- Eric Roberts- helped me to see that.  He also encouraged me to consider getting into public education.
I am so thankful for Eric.

I became a public school teacher in 2012- first as a Math Lab Assistant at an elementary school.  Then I got certified to teach high school social studies and speech, and I got my own classroom in 2013.

But my family and I were struggling with our faith.  We had returned to attending traditional churches- but we found that many of the scars those kinds of churches had carved into us were still raw.  What’s more, our time with the disillusioned and disenfranchised had left us keenly aware of growing gaps between the church and the people it claimed to want to see find salvation.

Over the years, and several churches, and a house church attempt- we settled into a church that we find fits us well, and provides a place for us to serve, working with college students.

But those doubts and concerns about the trajectory of church in America linger.  I see a very strong disconnect between what churches are doing and saying in the name of Jesus- and what Jesus Himself said and did.

In addition, as a public school teacher, I see and hear from an incredibly diverse collection of people.  The school I teach at has over 2,000 students, and with that comes many faith systems, belief systems, lifestyles, political views, and experiences.  And while I avoid sharing my own opinions as much as possible to maintain the integrity and trust of my relationships with students- they are under no obligation to keep their views quiet.

And they do not like Christianity.

I know, I know.  “Part of being a Christian is being hated.”  That is exceptionally true. But the thing is- the people I talk to don’t hate Jesus, and they don’t hate his teachings.  (They may disagree, but they still respect them.)

No, they hate Christians.

They hate the people that God has entrusted to share his Word with the world.

Because the world sees a disconnect between the words and actions of Jesus and the words and actions of His Church.

Some of this comes from a misinterpretation of what they think Jesus said- no doubt.  And I intend to address some of that in this book. 

But often, they hate Christians because we act like ignorant jerks.

    Most of my writing is fiction.  Horror, to be exact.  But I often try to incorporate an element of faith- or hope.  Or love.  I try to show people of faith as real- they make mistakes, but strive for integrity.  I do this not because this is the world as it is, but because it is the world as I hope it could be.  Not the murderous villains and evil demons my heroes battle (those they do exist in the real world, I believe.  Maybe not like I write them…), but the people who believe in something greater than themselves and try to live in the gray reality to the best of their ability while resting heavily on grace from a loving God.  Even if we don’t see Him all the time.  Just like in the real world.

I am writing this book to several audiences- which can be a bit dangerous and requires a bit of a balancing act I hope to pull off.  This is why I wanted to make sure you knew who I was, and where I came from. Because if we are going to have a conversation, I want you to know who I am, and what I am about.  And as we continue this little talk, you’ll get more details of my own faith journey.
But I am writing this book to believers- to regular church attenders who may or may not feel comfortable with the state of the church today.  I want to challenge you to look at the ‘why’ of what your church does- of what you do.  And that ‘why’ needs to be centered in Christ.  You may find some things you hold dear to be challenged- please, don’t put the book away if you get uncomfortable.  To my gaming friends- don’t rage quit.

I am writing this book to Christians that have walked away from church.  Maybe you still believe, maybe you don’t.  In either case, I write this book to let you know that your feelings are valid.  And to help you see that the body of believers in Hebrews is not necessarily a building with a cross and a steeple.  Or even in a building at all.

I am writing to those who do not have a connection with Christianity.  You have been hurt, accused, ignored, mistreated, and judged by the believers in your life.  And your encounters with them have left you scarred.  I want to talk with you about those hurts- why they were wrongly inflicted, and, perhaps, to begin a conversation that addresses your disagreements with true Christian doctrine as well as the misconceptions myself and my fellow Christians have passed on to you.

You are going to read the word “grace” a lot in this book.  It is a ‘church word’ that Christians throw around without defining, so I want you to know that when I say grace, I essentially mean, “Getting what we don’t deserve, getting better than we deserve.”  And with a dose of “free forgiveness so that we may start fresh.”  While these are the definitions I am applying to human offered grace, know that God’s grace is infinitely more profound, more deep, more perfect, and more readily available.  God’s grace is the start and the end of our faith, and relying on anything else to follow Him will lead us to disappointment and failure.

And so, without further introduction, let’s begin.


Or get a signed copy directly from this site!

Signed copy of Toxic

$20.99

Signed copy of Toxic with optional personal message at no extra charge.
Shop